Grief Triggered

My crockpot quit working this weekend... and I cried. It was frustrating because I use it a lot, and I had just bought a roast. I had filled the crockpot with meat, potatoes, carrots, mushrooms, and onion... and was looking forward to a meal I had not prepared in several months. It was frustrating because I had spent my expendable income the day before on things that could have waited another month. But, none of the above is why I cried.

I cried because Caitlyn gave it to me. I had a large family-sized one; it was so big I cooked an 8 lb turkey in it one Thanksgiving when my oven quit. I had told Caitlyn that it was getting more difficult for me to pick up, even when empty.

She didn't buy a new one but simply gave me the one in her kitchen. When I realized it wasn't working, my mind immediately was flooded with the memories of us talking and laughing about what I could make for her... since she never cooked anything in it. I could picture her smiling face as clearly as if she had just handed it to me.

Suddenly, I was reminded that those moments will never happen again. Throwing it away brought another flood of tears. It felt like I was giving away another part of her. It's been almost 18 months since she died, but unexpected things and memories still have the power to remind me of the person I loved so dearly and lost.

Ironically, I have been wanting to buy another crockpot, even smaller than hers, but I never thought it would be such an emotional experience. Despite everything, there does come a time to move on. The crockpot is certainly replaceable! Caitlyn is not but I am reminded that I will see her again, healed and whole, and never again to be parted. She is safe with the Lord for now.

Shattered by Rita Schulte

SHATTERED: Finding Hope and Healing through the losses of life

There are few today who are not affected directly or indirectly from the effects of loss. Death, divorce, abuse, job loss, and health issues are the most common reasons we are adversely affected, but there are also disappointments of shattered dreams, failed expectations, doubts about faith, and other losses that contribute to the pressures bearing down.

Shattered explores how these losses can impact all areas of your life, including your relationship with God. There is the immediate impact, especially in major losses, but there is also a tendency of some to bury both the hard-hitting problems and the smaller ones that gradually occur. The refusal to talk about, or even think about, our pain can be detrimental.

This book tells the reader that to deny or ignore our pain is what stands in the way of healing. Schulte explains that it is necessary to pay attention to what you are trying to cover and offers hope through “healing tasks of the heart”. If we allow our losses, hurts, bitterness, and anger to keep building it affects us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is designed to draw you to a closure, hope, and a more secure relationship with God.

Good book! I am one of those who buries pain and puts up emotional walls when dealing with everything from a major loss to a minor one. I wish I had learned how to deal with losses many years ago instead of letting them build up to to where I am today. My open rebellion against God ended many years ago, but I still struggle with trust issues...even more than I realized. Although a lot of my "rocks" remain covered from others, they are there and weigh me down. Even though I am aware of this about myself, Shattered did help me to realize that I have not dealt with a lot of the losses in a healthy manner. Of course, I realized this, too, but have never moved forward to the healing portion. Acceptance of what has happened and trusting God that there is an overall plan are only a part of the process. There is more to do and Schulte wants the reader to move to a better level.

Part 1 deals with Evaluating the Assault of Loss on the Heart, Part 2 is Reclaiming Your Heart, and Part 3 is the healing Reinvesting the Heart. I could strongly identify with a paragraph in one of the chapters in Part 3 about the reluctance to reopen dreams placed on a shelf due to fear of trusting others...including God. There is also Appendix A, B, C, and D to help you further evaluate the losses you have experienced, how you felt, and how you are dealing with them. Whether you are dealing with a fresh catastrophic loss, small ones that have added up over the years, or a combination of the two, Shattered is a useful tool for allowing God to once again create beauty and value from a life that feels broken.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from Leafwood Publishers for the purpose of this review.