Monday, May 14, 2018

May 12, 2010 - Links and Lifestyle Changes

I just realized something: May 12, 2010 is both the day I got a home computer AND the last day I smoked. In one way I exchanged one form of bondage for another. 😐 Perhaps my hands were too busy to hold a cigarette, but I also had insomnia for several months... which could have been partly due to my complete fascination with social media. I averaged 3 hours of sleep at night, with a 10-20 minute nap during the day. Cigarettes were gone, but the computer was my new obsession.

I had a Facebook page for over a year, but was limited to what I could see and do until I got my own computer and internet. It was actually a FB friend who wanted to quit smoking and asked several friends if they would join in so we could support one another. I had smoked off and on for 40 years, so I knew I could quit for a while. I always quit when pregnant, and sometimes went a couple of years without smoking. STRESS was always the deal breaker for me. I actually realized one day, following several months of deep, almost to the point of suicide, depression that following one more personally devastating occurrence, I did not automatically return to my usual habit of chain-smoking when very upset. I also withdrew from many Facebook friends I had established relationships with and concentrated on my new career in social media management. Superficial friendships can be hard to hang on to, but it's self-protection for me. Working also became a life-saver, though. Not only did I need to support myself financially, having something to occupy myself was (is) vital.

While it is essential for work, I am not as addicted to my computer as I was 8 years ago. I can turn it off without worrying over what I am missing. Admittedly, Facebook is not as much fun as it used to be. Sadly, the world has become an angrier, sadder, more bitter place...or appears to be if you only read only certain social media pages and posts. But, I do find a lot of beauty, joy, connections, and friends on those pages. And, I need to work harder at being a friend to those I care about rather than withdrawing more into myself. There was never anything good about smoking, but there is good in having my computer...if used moderately and to be a blessing...and a better friend. Trusting others and allowing them to know me is a much bigger battle than giving up cigarettes!

Chains can be a burden or a blessing, depending on how they are used. Sometimes one link needs to be broken and removed and replaced with one that strengthens you instead.

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

You Better Get Ready...I'm Coming Home!

Repost from Aug 8, 2010 Cindy's World:

"You better get ready, I'm coming home!" Those were the words I heard on the phone a few minutes ago from Kote!!

Next was, "I got money for my birthday, so I'll be buying my own stuff now!! Wait!! I want to buy a phone, but YOU can keep buying the rest of my stuff!!" 😎

He is hilarious.

But it did trigger a few thoughts about my life. How often, when things are going good, do I want to tell God that I can handle it now? Just as quickly, I want to put those words right back in my mouth. I can have nothing nor do nothing without Him!! I learned that lesson the hard way...and, because I am mule-headed, more than once!

While only God knows when I will be heading toward Heaven, I think of loved ones already there: my son... parents ... grandparents... a miscarried grandchild. I wonder who else is waiting on me? Most important --- my Savior!! Without Him, there is no way I would get there on my own.

I may not know the day or the hour, but I want to look toward Heaven and joyfully shout.........................