The Father Effect book - John Finch

THE FATHER EFFECT: Hope and Healing from a Dad's Absence by John Finch with Blake Atwood is a must-read for those who have lost their fathers...whether through divorce, death, or disinterest.

John Finch was only eleven years old when his father committed suicide. But it wasn't until he was a father of three girls that he began to realize that the loss of his father had such an impact on him. His relationship with his wife and daughters was strained when he knew that healing would have to begin with forgiving both himself and his father for choosing to leave in order to become the dad his children needed him to be.

I first met John on Facebook when he was making his short film, The Father Effect. Over the years, I have followed his posts and endeavors to make a feature-length film, and now the book. The iterviews he has shared, along with his own story, have been a compelling revelation of just how important a father is in a child's life. I had a close relationship with my own dad until after the death of my mom when I was in my twenties. we were beginning to heal our rift when he was killed in a car wreck. But, my children lost their dad through divorce when they were pre-schoolers & he stayed away from them physically & emotionally. I tried to be both parents, but, I simply could not be their dad.

The Father Effect is an eye-opening account of the just how important it is to find healing if you did not have a father in your life...to forgive and to lean on our perfect Father for the wholeness you need. If you are a father, try to mend the rift in the relationship with your child. John shares his own journey with an honesty that is insightful and hopeful. Stories shared by men and women who have experienced hurt from their fathers, as well as words of wisdom from professionals, give this book a balanced approach that speaks to people with words of hope. I highly recommend this book to everyone no matter what your relationship with your father. And, if you are a dad...this is a must-read! Everyone should know the importance and value of a father in the life of his child.

LINKS:
The Father Effect website
Buy on Amazon
Read the First Chapter Encouraging Dads website
The Father Effect movies
The Father Effect - Facebook
Follow @thefathereffect on Twitter
The Father Effect - YouTube
Blake Atwood website

My Daddy

Cindy & Bill Miller
July 1955

I have attempted to write this blog several times, but it is hard to put a man's life in just a few words. Billy Joe (Bill) Miller was born in Caddo, OK on May 3, 1930, but was raised in the place he always considered to be his hometown: McKinney, TX. His parents divorced when he was a boy, so he spent a lot of time alone while his mom worked to support them; she insisted he stay inside while she was at work. A single child, with few childhood friends, meant that he was never extremely comfortable around children. He loved me (and even my brother! 😉) but our relationship grew closer as Paul and I aged. Daddy never was one to play in our games, but he took us to Saturday morning movies (usually Westerns) and to any parade in town. He also taught me my love of reading (both of my parents loved to read). When I was barely old enough to recognize letters, he brought home over 100 children's books that the local library was planning to discard. I remember sitting on the floor, surrounded by piles of books.

He excelled at being a dad who would patiently answer my many questions. Whether it was prejudice (my hometown is Birmingham, AL and I was born in the days of segregation), or math (which I still don't "get" once people start tossing letters into the mix!), he respected my questions and tried to answer on a level he thought I could understand. He also gave me good advice and guidance whenever a teachable moment would occur... My favorite was following a film on STDs at a 7th grade assembly that Daddy attended with me. On the way home, his only comment was, "Always remember: You are ALLERGIC to penicillin." :)

Billy Joe Miller
US Navy

Daddy was very patient with some of my areas of rebellion. He was career Navy, and I protested Vietnam. He taught me that it was okay to object, but to continue to respect my country and the ones who were serving in the military and fighting the war. No matter what I would say, he would calmly put it all into perspective...in a logical way I couldn't argue with. Sometimes, if I had a wild idea that most likely would have gotten me into trouble, it was a simple, "Okay, but, just wait until you're 18." It's no fun to argue with someone who stays calm and doesn't forbid something...I could live with "Wait." It was enough that he listened without flying into a rage...or bursting into gales of laughter.

He wasn't perfect, and we did have a few conflicts---we were too much alike for those not to arise from time to time. When he would say to me, "Cindy, when the Lord gave out patience, you were back standing in the 'stubborn' line again for a double portion!" I would think, "...just like my father." Fortunately, we were alike in temperament and had the same sense of humor, so we could not stay angry for long.

Doyce & Bill Miller
1981

He was a man of convictions, and stuck with them. He was intelligent, hard-working, patriotic, didn't use foul language, rarely drank (I could probably count on one hand how many times I remember seeing him with an alcoholic beverage), treated everyone with respect and dignity, openly prayed before meals and took his family to church. He loved the Lord, and absolutely adored my mother! (I understand Ephesians 5:25 perfectly due to my parent's relationship.)

Miller family
Aug. 1964

I don't know who wrote the following, but it makes me think of my dad:

Real Men, Love the Lord.
Real Men, Pray.
Real Men, Read their Bible.
Real Men, Regularly go to Church.
Real Men, Live a Godly Example.
Real Men, Love their Wives.
Real Men, Spend Time and Play with their Kids.

 Deuteronomy 6:4b-7a says, "The LORD is the only God. You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Always remember these commands that I give you today. Be sure to teach them to your children."  Thanks, Daddy, for teaching me these things!! Because of your obedience to the Lord, I get to live forever with both my earthly father and my Heavenly Father!! You went Home on June 16, 1985 (ironically, that year it also happened to be Father's Day), but I know you are waiting on me to arrive at the appointed time.  (I cut it close a few times, but I usually made it home by curfew. Right?)