Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Storms Named Cindy

Hurricane Cindy 1999
Yesterday a friend sent me a link to a story on 'Tropical Storm Cindy' which is currently in the Gulf of Mexico. Although not expected to intensify, there is still the chance of a devastating impact due to coastal flooding. I was also reminded of the impact storms named Cindy had in my life in 1999 and 2011. I dug through Facebook notes and found the one I wrote July 20, 2011:

************************************************** Tropical Storm Cindy has formed in the Atlantic

Just saw that posted and my first thought was, "I can't see or hear any news until this is gone!" I am still attempting to recover from the devastation of Hurricane Cindy 1999!! You are probably thinking to yourself, "I don't remember Hurricane Cindy." It started as a depression. I could completely relate to that! I was quite depressed myself!! Furthermore, it was off-center & difficult to locate. Oh yeah! I was trying to hide within myself since I couldn't literally escape.

The news went on about how it was becoming more intense, and becoming a tropical storm. There were stories of it organizing! Well, I was trying to organize a project I had let lapse for several years, so I used this as a spur to action. I would get organized!! I could get my life back together!! She began to fall apart, but then there was an announcement that she had reorganized and was getting stronger! Yes!! I, too, could regroup, reorganize, and grow stronger!! Go Cindy!!

Then, alas, the news came that once again Cindy had weakened and succumbed to being a depression. As I listened to the news daily and sobbed as I heard televised reports of "Cindy is indecisive and keeps going back and forth in strength.", "We thought Cindy was going to be important, but she turned into much ado about nothing", and "Cindy turned out to be completely insignificant." Of course I did not want any person, place, or thing to be harmed by a hurricane, but I was to the point that I had totally turned this into something all about me. Even now, when I look it up, it is remembered as: 
Cindy had a long track with no direct impact.
Now, comes the question of whether that is still my life. Oh, depression still comes and goes with no warning. Sometimes I think I should just change my name to Capricious. 😄

However, I did make some changes. The most important was to renew my commitment to Jesus Christ. I had not lost my faith, but I had virtually been stuck in the house for nearly 5 years following a car wreck. Walking was extremely painful & difficult, and I felt trapped. But I found a church that I could walk to, even if it was only by pushing a grandchild in a stroller. Still for several months, I did not get involved in any activities or interact with others. The fact that they needed a teacher for the 1 year old class, and my 1 year old grandson would only stay with me or his parents, spurred me to action.

Now my biggest problem is when I find myself being so busy doing work for  the Lord that I don't always spend time with the Lord. Fortunately, He does remind me when I am neglecting Him. He knows how easily I slip into bad habits...and how miserable I am when I don't spend time with Him. More than anything, I want to be His hands & feet, and serve others in His Name! So, even when I am feeling overwhelmed, there is peace in the "storm".

The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. ~ Psalm 28:7

"Thunder and lightning, storms and tempests, eclipses and meteors, tornadoes and earthquakes, are proofs to all that there is a Supreme Being, who is wonderful and terrible in His acts."~ R. A. Torrey

I admit, that although I always pray there are no devastating effects, I do love stormy weather. I love that quote by R A Torrey! It always makes me think of "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." ~ Psalm 19:1 And, when I reach the end of my life I hope that it can be said of me:
Cindy had a long track with a direct impact on others through her service to her Savior.
Now there is a new storm and time for a new self-evaluation. There have been both good and bad changes since July 20, 2011. I am not willing to discuss them publicly right now, but thoughts are not as organized as I would like today. I will probably re-edit this at another time. Just saying that I have stepped way out of my comfort zone several times---and LOVED it!! But, I have also built a stronger, higher tower around myself for emotional protection. And unlike the history of storms named Cindy, I want to be more steady and predictable---and to be a source of good, not destruction. Of course, the first step might be to quit taking it so personal whenever I see a mention of Hurricane/Tropical Storm/Depression "Cindy" since I do know they are speaking of weather.

And, I need to quit listening to the voices of others who try to define the real me...except for those who are giving me wise counsel and drawing me nearer to Jesus.

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