Thursday, August 26, 2010

Teenaged Angst Revisited

I have been meaning to get back to this for the past 6 nights, but it has gotten wild around here lately. Each time I thought I had a spare few moments, something or someone would rush in to snatch my attention. It's all good, though. I would rather spend time with current friends than with delving into my past.

Last Thursday afternoon, my phone rang and the Caller ID announced RESTRICTED. My first thought was that it was a salesperson and I am not interested. Yet, I decided to risk it. I had already received a completely unexpected call from a new friend the night before, so I thought perhaps another was getting in touch. I heard my name, and when I affirmed it was me. I got a couple a couple of disjointed sentences. Actually, it brought to mind the scene in Star Wars when Princess Leia was appealing for help to a bewildered Luke Skywalker. "Cindy! Been looking. Goose Creek." For those who are now totally perplexed, Goose Creek, SC is where I went to high school 9th-11th grades.

Even with the clue that it was someone from high school, I still was glad I was sitting when I realized it was from The Love Of My Life:The High School Years!! I must admit my heart did a tiny flutter...even after all of these years. I outgrew that silly crush many years ago...........though I admit to wondering :What Could Have Been. The conversation lasted nearly 45 minutes with a few  shared memories and a lot of sentences which began with "Do you remember...." We got caught up on one anothers lives and promised to do better at staying in touch (already failing!), and spoke vaguely of talking again.

Isn't it odd when a voice from the past can open the floodgates to a whole new set of memories? I could hardly wait to get in touch with a couple of high school friends who went through the years I was sure no one could ever replace him. They went right back to high school too!! Equally surprising to me was the number of friends, both old and new who wanted to know if he and I were finally getting together. My friends, I love you all, but apparently the longings for fairy tales and "happily ever after" is more deeply ingrained than I realized.  It was a pleasant interlude of shared memories.

I do hope we get back together sometime as friends...........but I just wanted to point out that the broken heart at 15 can be whole and ready to simply embrace a new friendship at 55. I did face my teenage angst head on this past week and learned that I survived quite well. I am glad that the wild flame of love has settled into the warm glow of friendship.It's much less exhausting!

A friend loves at all times.~ Proverbs 17:17a  Praying for a friendship that will continue for another 40 years...this time with frequent chats and much.....much less drama! :)

Friday, August 13, 2010

August 13, 1994

On this date, a part of my life changed forever. I went from a fairly active life to one with limitations. That was the first day of a life of physical pain daily, of limitations in movement, and financial dependence. But I just realized today that another part of me was even more severely harmed.

I have spoken on how most of the damage to my body is healed. There are days when I barely limp even. I overcame my frustrations at having to abandon my plans for my future. I have gained many blessings over the years. However I have wasted 16 years of my life through depression. I can never regain those years, and I am having to deal with the consequences of those actions. To be more precise, those inactions.

I don't know how yet, but I do know that I want this to be used as a catalyst to help others. Since I have been revisiting the darker thoughts today, it seems more difficult, But perhaps I have settled down in this valley to reflect on where I have been, where I am now, and where I am going.

I have hopes and dreams that will never be realized. There are dreams I have now that I know will never come to fruition. But I do know that God has a plan for my life and I can trust Him. Now I just need to break off these shackles and rush off to face my future with joy. It will not be what I want....but I am sure it will be much better.

You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

Sunday, August 8, 2010

An Interview With Ibelisse

Everyday People: Cindy Navarro « A Writer's Inkhorn 

No clue if I am doing ANY of this right!!
I am trying to figure out how to link my blog with the interview Ibelisse did for her blog. Guess I will find out soon!! :/

The link that says Everyday People is the one that works. :)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Cody's 12th Birthday or...Cody is growing up. :/

It is so incredible to believe how quickly the past 12 years have flown by. I was in the room when he was born: 1 of the first to see him, 1 of the first to hold him. I never dreamed that less than 2 years later, he would be living with me. And the joy Cody has brought into my life is amazing!!

Since he had problems speaking as a preschooler, I became fascinated by the way he would act out things to help me understand. As his imagination grew, I rediscovered mine. His favorite story was The 3 Little Pigs..... we read it at least once a day for over a year. One day, I read Little Red Riding Hood to him, but he didn't seem interested. Several weeks later, central air conditioning was installed. I noticed a nervous look on his face, but thought nothing of it until I went to the door to take out the trash. Suddenly, Cody threw himself between me and the door and exclaimed, "Nooooo! The Big Bad Wolf is out there......and he eats grandmas too!!!" Have you ever tried explaining air conditioning to a 4 year old? It was a while before the trash made it to the curb. :)

Cody's love of superheroes is also well-known. He prayed for them all every night. Dressing up was an everyday occurrence. I never knew which superhero would accompany me to the playground, the store, (you pick your battles!). On the other hand, I never dreamed that I would catch his enthusiasm when he attended Head Start through 1st grade. I would show up as The Cat In The Hat, a lepruchan, an elf, ...whatever the theme was!! My adult children were so grateful that they missed my costume era when they were little. :)

Now he is outgrowing all of these things that were so delightful. Over the summer he has gotten a bit taller than me......meaning the superhero costumes are all now too small. His action figures have been played with less and less....and he is more interested in grabbing my phone.

Now his interests are moving into a direction I am not ready for yet. Recently, Cody asked if we can move to France. I regretfully informed him that I just didn't see that happening. Out of curiosity, though, I asked why. I was told,  "France has 'hot' girls!"  when I told him to forget about the hot girls of France, he mournfully answered, "But, Nana, That is ALL I can think about!!!"

Have mercy! Chakote Matthew amaze me. Y'all pray...'cause the next 6 may be more dramatic than the past 12 combined!